I'm reeling. This week we studied the effects of stressors on family health. During class hours, we discussed how a families response to stress isn't so much determined by the stressors they experience, but by how they perceive those stressors and responded to them. However, the real shock came to me when a classmate suggested we watch a TED talk on how to make stress your friend. This shook me, to the point that I'm rethinking my attitudes, life plan, and previous choices regarding stress.
Before I go into the details of the TED talk, though, let me give some background on the role stress has had in my life so far. When I was four, my parents divorced. From then on, I felt divided between my two parents. In attempting to give all my family members my love and attention, I've juggled tasks for one parent or another the better part of my life. Often, this led to considerable stress, and often I wasn't sure how to reduce it. For instance, at fifteen years old I moved from my mom's place to a neighboring city so that I could spend more time with my dad. I began attending a prestigious school on the other side of the city, taking the 6 a.m. bus every day so that I could get to class by 7. While living there, I stayed in a basement sweet a little away from my dad's place. I soon found more demands on my time than I knew how to deal with; not only did I spend two hours getting two and from school every day, but I also tried to visit my mom's side of the family, manage my heavy school load, babysit for the family I was staying with, and act as a confidant for several of my seriously depressed friends.
This was more than I knew how to do at fifteen years old, but, looking back, I didn't feel nearly as anxious as would be expected. In fact, I found myself oddly happy at that time, and it didn't feel like a big deal that I rarely had a moment to spare. Fast forward a few years, and I'm in college, with better life skills and fewer demands placed upon me. Yet, I find I'm at least as stressed as I was at fifteen and even more anxious. And this is a serious problem for me, as I'm planning to go into a career where stress is inevitable. Am I setting myself up for failure by subjecting myself to more stress than I can handle?
According to what we talked about in class and TED-ed speaker Kelly McGonigal, not necessarily. She cites research that shows that its not the stress placed upon a person that makes a difference, but our beliefs regarding stress. For instance, one study found that people who believe that stress is bad for their health are 43% percent more likely to die in the next eight years after experiencing a significant amount of stress, whereas persons who see stress in a positive light are no more likely to die after going through the same events. The authors concluded that the belief that a negative view of stress kills 20,000 people in the USA annually.
People who have a positive view of stress don't seem affected by the stressors placed upon them to the same degree. In fact, people who view stress as an opportunity to grow have a different, healthier physical response to stress. Inner dialogues such as "I'll get through this," or "This is an opportunity to grow" improve a person's stress response to even the most traumatic experiences.
So the answer might not be avoiding stress--in fact, avoiding stress and seeing it in a negative light seems to be what's killing us. Instead of trying to avoid stress, we acknowledge that our stress response can help us meet our objectives. All the responses we have--increased heart rate, heavy breathing, sweat, and racing thoughts--actually prepare us to meet greater challenges, so long as we don't let our fear of stress get in the way.
Now, what does this mean for my choice of career? Well, here's a direct quote from the TED talk:
"Chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort... the best way to make decisions is to go after what it is that creates meaning in your life and then trust yourself to handle the stress that follows."
(Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash)
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