We also should consider the financial costs of a wedding. In 2016, the median USA wedding costed $14,399. Adding on top of that the costs of both rings, travel plans, and the honeymoon, getting married can quickly become unaffordable. This is alarming when we realize that money issues are directly implicated in at least 22% of US divorces, and are considered to be secondary factors in many more. Why do people start off their marriages with enormous expenditures, essentially laying the seeds for divorce during the very act of marriages?
Sometimes, when couples are unable to pay for or plan such an elaborate event, one side of the family steps in and generously foots the bill. However, this frequently causes other problems down the road. All too often this is later used against the newlyweds as in-laws later use their services for leverage in influencing the starting family. Where the couple lives, where they spend their holidays, and even their decisions regarding career, education, or finances suddenly becomes up for debate by the contributing individuals. Such a loss of autonomy can drive a wedge into the marriage as surely as money problems would. Whether we or our parents foot the bill, chances are our marriages will incur as many costs as our credit cards when we eventually pay the piper.
What then is to be done? Do we give up on weddings entirely, opting to elope or hold a small ceremony with only our intimate friends and family members? Maybe. But for those of us who are still attached to the idea of a wedding, there is a growing movement to cut costs on weddings but still maintain their magical qualities. I'll be highlighting a couple tactics that not only have the potential to reduce these dangers, but make the wedding a building experience for all involved.
The first is to simplify. When my eldest sister and brother-in-law tied the knot back in October 2017, they wanted to avoid the stress and financial costs of a traditional wedding, both of which they felt would be too much for them. They rented out a simple venue, invited only the people they really wanted to have come, and had the family bake a ton of pies for refreshments. By cutting out whatever wasn't important to them, they made their wedding a ceremony, that, while simple, was one of the most beautifully organized events I've been to. They and their guests were better able to relax in the calm atmosphere this event afforded. A simple wedding can be just as memorable, or even more so. Sometimes, they make clear the meaning that can be lost in the details.
However, a wedding doesn't have to be simple to be enjoyable for all involved, including the couple. I learned this at my second sister's wedding. She and her husband were college students without the funds to host a huge wedding, but with so many friends and family eager to attend that a large wedding was deemed a necessity. They opted to seek familial support, like many others, but instead of drawing exclusively from one side of the family, they involved both families in the funding, planning, and carrying out of the wedding. This was a remarkable experience, for, as the two sides of the family worked together, it helped gender unity between the groom's and the bride's family. As we both contributed, we grew to respect the other side, to know them better. Rather than dividing our families, as so many weddings organized by just one side tend to, we grew closer as a result of the wedding.
Weddings these days are hard. But they don't have to be if we simplify, focus on what most matters in the events, and bring in the talents of all those around us. A wedding doesn't need to be a stressful or expensive ordeal to be memorable, on the contrary, many couples find that a simpler wedding lets them focus on the most important part of the wedding--each other. Let's not let the guests, traditions, and costs of a wedding get between the two people vowing to cherish one another that day. They should always be the focus of our attention.
Photo by Lanty at Unspash.com
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