Some of my fondest memories are of doing chores for my family.
A little weird, I know. Still, it's true. Thinking back to my childhood, many of the happiest moments I can recall happened during or immediately after some form of mundane work. Not any chore would do, however. I have few memories of cleaning my bedroom, washing my clothes, or brushing my teeth. But I have dozens of happy memories of stacking wood, preparing meals, weeding gardens, or mowing lawns--both ours and our neighbors. For a experience to be truly memorable, I've realized, I have to be doing work for someone else, and preferably with somebody else.
I don't think that's a coincidence. Nor do I think its happenstance that my best relationships are ones where we've worked side-by-side often. There's something about work--particularly manual labor--that knits people together. Working beside someone else teaches us interdependence, appreciation and respect in a manner that activities like competitive games or even chatting can't. Perhaps that's why I often feel more camaraderie with coworkers who I've toiled along beside than roommates who I've lived with for months, even when I make a point of getting to know them.
In fact, that makes perfect sense. When I try to bond with my roommates, I often plan elaborate games nights. Similarly, if I want to connect with a family member, I try to find some fun activity to do. Even when these games nights are fun, I don't always come out of them with a newfound respect for my roommates or family members. If my roommates did badly in the games we played, I might feel a bit cocky. If they were better than me, I might be jealous. Ultimately, though, such activities are about the individual's performance, not the community.
Something very different happens when we work together. Personally, I love weeding the garden with my family. As I dig into the rich soil with my trowel, I find a peace that's hard to come by elsewhere. My body is engaged in the work, but my mind is free to wander. I'm occupied, sweating, and focused on my task. And the person laboring beside me is just as engaged in their own work. The very last thing on my mind is impressing the other person, and because of this, I'm more genuine. If people talk in such a situation, they're more likely to be open and honest. You appreciate the efforts of the other person. And, if you're doing work for a collective cause or service, you're made better by it.
Hearts connect in these circumstances. We see each other as allies and learn to value the unique abilities and efforts of the people around us. Collaborative, physically involving activities like intense hikes, chores or camping deepen existing relationships and quickly forge new ones.
Maybe next time you go on a date, you might consider doing service together instead of games. This might not make the ultimate first date, but it's a great way to strengthen your relationships. Next time you feel like skipping out on a chance to work with your family and tackling housework alone--think again. These activities can be among the most memorable for kids and parents alike.
As always, I'd love your comments! Also, here's a link to the article that jump started this rant.
Photo by CDC on Unsplash
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